If I Only Could (Make a Deal With God)
by WrittenConstellations
Summary: We are survivors, Joel's words ring in her head. Yes, they are. Against all odds, they continued to endure. In fact, she'd begun to feel a bit invincible. A hidden sniper in the trees takes that away from her.


**AN:** I am so sorry, this is not what any of you were expecting. I know I'm supposed to be updating my other fic, but this just suddenly popped out and I had no idea what to do with it other than to finish writing it.

Warnings for Major Character Death, Suicide, and ridiculous amounts of angst. Don't say I didn't warn you.

oOoOo

It's an accident, more than anything.

There aren't too many hunters, and it's easy enough to pick them off, one by one. The pistol doesn't feel as heavy in Ellie's hands as it used to, the weight of taking another life long gone. _We are survivors_, Joel's words ring in her head. Yes, they are. Against all odds, they continued to endure. In fact, she'd begun to feel a bit invincible.

A hidden sniper in the trees takes that away from her. One moment Joel is fine; the next, there's a bullet lodged in his neck and his body hits the ground before she can react.

Ellie screams his name so loudly her throat splits, the taste of copper coating her mouth. She keeps screaming.

(A few of those who witness it as it happens say she shook him violently, as though it would wake him. When it didn't, she simply screamed louder.)

Tommy will later hear the story of the hysteric frenzy she released on the man who killed him. They tell him of the bullets that graze her, but never hit their mark. They tell him of the way she slams him to the ground, shooting round after round into his skull. When she runs out of bullets, she manages to pull out her butterfly knife and ruin him even further before they can grab her, dragging her away from the body kicking and screaming. "He took him away!" she sobs, "He took him away, God, it wasn't supposed to fucking happen this way!"

They bring her to Tommy and Maria, because they have no place else to take her. Joel is gone for good, and there is no one capable of calming her down at this point.

But god, how do they expect him to take care of her when he can barely keep himself together? He's trembling so hard he can't tell what's up or down, his heartbeat drowning out every other noise.

When he's finally collected himself well enough, he finds Maria sitting with Ellie in utter silence. She glances up at him for only a moment, but the moment their eyes meet he knows she's just as gone as Joel is. "I'm sorry," she says, her voice softer than he's ever heard it, "It should have been me. It should have been me." He doesn't have the heart to argue with her.

Maria pulls him into the kitchen just a moment later. "I don't know how she's going to survive this," she whispers to him, tears in her eyes. He shakes his head minutely, "She won't." He says simply, and as soon as he hears the door slam he knows he's already right. Ellie is gone, and so is her gun.

"We have to do something, Tommy," Maria says from the doorway, "We have to stop her. We can't lose her too." He smiles weakly, his resolve shattering all at once, "There's nothin' we can do, Maria. She was gone the minute Joel hit the ground." and then he's sobbing, collapsing against the wall with the sheer force of it. His brother is gone, and there's nothing he can do to keep Joel's girl from following him.

She climbs to the top of the cliff overlook, streaks of orange and pink lighting the sky around her. If it were a normal day, Joel would have climbed up there with her, guitar in hand. It was the same spot where he lied to her years ago, but that hardly mattered now. They had "reclaimed" it, for the lack of a better word. They had covered the ugly memories with better ones, memories of song and laughter. Ellie had never been so happy in her life.

She should have known it would come to an end too soon.

She lays down in the grass, her gun loosely gripped in her hand. She is torn between hurrying and savoring her last moments. She wonders if there's a God, if there is a place for people like her and Joel.

"I don't care if there's anyone up there or not," she tells the sky, her voice strong, "I don't care where you send me. I'm going to find him, okay? He promised me forever, and I'm going to hold him to that." she loads the gun without hesitation, her hands steady as she does so. Placing the barrel against her temple, she inhales and steels herself for what will come next.

"I'll find you," she whispers, closing her eyes one last time, "I'll find you Joel, I promise." For a moment, she swears she can hear his voice calling out to her.

She pulls the trigger.


End file.
